2013 YEAR IN A NUTSHELL
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Welcome to 2014: Melody-Style
let me start by saying life is hard...
The beginning of 2014 was a bit of an eye opener for sure. I had just started my second year of nursing school while, attempting to keep a steady retail job in college, being apart of several organizations on campus, and maintaining a social life. You could say I was quite the busy bee; so much so that life quickly caught up with my multitasking personality and I realized I was saying “yes” to too many things. February of 2014 was the beginning of my mental breakdown. As stated before, I had just begun nursing school, as if that wasn’t enough the stress from my job put me over the edge. The Limited was a highly demanding job for a college student; I was working 20+ hours per week in attempt to keep paying the bills. I like to think that stress was the overall culprit for this mental breakdown.
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.” This is one of my favorite quotes by Robin Williams, because he is absolutely right; we have no idea what others are going through or have been through. Although I am genuinely and generally a happy person, everyone has their dark days. It all started with a little voice in the back of my mind telling me I wasn’t good enough, no likes you, or I shouldn’t have said that; constantly judging my every thought and action. Unfortunately, that voice became the only voice in my head, and it became harder and harder to turn off. Soon my world was spinning out of control: I stopped going to classes, hanging out with my friends, and my eating disorder began. Everyday was a constant battle with myself, telling myself I wasn’t skinny enough, or pretty enough, and that no one liked me. I felt absolutely worthless and alone. The small remnants of hope I had were gone. There was a time when I thought that I wanted an end. I felt like I couldn’t go on any longer. After a very long doctor appointment, I was diagnosed with major depression and my doctor decided to send me to an in patient facility that would help me fight through these emotions. Legitimately, one of the scariest experiences of my life was waiting. I had no idea what to expect having to be in a mental health facility or, what kinds of people would also be there? Don’t worry, though, it got better. I wasn’t hurt, and nothing crazy happened, except the fact that I was there for a week and missed my first clinical. My instructor nearly killed me but I told her my story and right away she understood and offered me pieces of her own experiences in nursing school. My first day out and I was drowning in homework because nursing school waits for no one. My stress levels were so far up I started to have palpitations and quickly scheduled a meeting with Deborah Gray, my nursing advisor. After an hour of crying my heart out to this woman that barely knew me, she offered me an out. I was able to take a break from school, just as long as I took the second semester of my sophomore year over again. And voila, this is why I am a year behind. Honestly, I don’t regret it, I needed the break from school. I am absolutely over the moon thankful for all of my sisters that supported me through this time.
This experience was the hardest challenge I have ever had. During my break from school I realized that I didn’t actually love myself. I had lost who I really was, and unfortunately I didn’t know how to be me again. Luckily my Grandparents took me to Florida, and I was able to figure it out while lying on a beach. Don’t get me wrong --everyday was a struggle. I had to constantly look in the mirror and tell myself that I am worth it, and people do care about me. I also found other ways to channel my negative energy: learning to cook, exercising, and getting into art. With these tactics, I was able to find myself and learn to love myself again. Also, I was very lucky to have a Little that literally texted me everyday to check up on me and offer words of advice. Even though I had to experience such a hard obstacle, I am grateful for it. I am grateful that I had to fall because sometimes God puts hardship in our lives so that we can learn from them and become even stronger people in the process. Today, I am stronger, happier, more empathetic, and even more passionate about what I am preparing myself to do for the rest of my life. Sharing my story is scary, but I also know that it’s worth sharing if it can help someone know that they are not alone, and that they are loved. Life is so precious--treat it that way. Treat people the way you want to be treated, love people, and most importantly love yourself.
Remember this..
Everyone goes through hard times, but in the end you will grow from it.
The beginning of 2014 was a bit of an eye opener for sure. I had just started my second year of nursing school while, attempting to keep a steady retail job in college, being apart of several organizations on campus, and maintaining a social life. You could say I was quite the busy bee; so much so that life quickly caught up with my multitasking personality and I realized I was saying “yes” to too many things. February of 2014 was the beginning of my mental breakdown. As stated before, I had just begun nursing school, as if that wasn’t enough the stress from my job put me over the edge. The Limited was a highly demanding job for a college student; I was working 20+ hours per week in attempt to keep paying the bills. I like to think that stress was the overall culprit for this mental breakdown.
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.” This is one of my favorite quotes by Robin Williams, because he is absolutely right; we have no idea what others are going through or have been through. Although I am genuinely and generally a happy person, everyone has their dark days. It all started with a little voice in the back of my mind telling me I wasn’t good enough, no likes you, or I shouldn’t have said that; constantly judging my every thought and action. Unfortunately, that voice became the only voice in my head, and it became harder and harder to turn off. Soon my world was spinning out of control: I stopped going to classes, hanging out with my friends, and my eating disorder began. Everyday was a constant battle with myself, telling myself I wasn’t skinny enough, or pretty enough, and that no one liked me. I felt absolutely worthless and alone. The small remnants of hope I had were gone. There was a time when I thought that I wanted an end. I felt like I couldn’t go on any longer. After a very long doctor appointment, I was diagnosed with major depression and my doctor decided to send me to an in patient facility that would help me fight through these emotions. Legitimately, one of the scariest experiences of my life was waiting. I had no idea what to expect having to be in a mental health facility or, what kinds of people would also be there? Don’t worry, though, it got better. I wasn’t hurt, and nothing crazy happened, except the fact that I was there for a week and missed my first clinical. My instructor nearly killed me but I told her my story and right away she understood and offered me pieces of her own experiences in nursing school. My first day out and I was drowning in homework because nursing school waits for no one. My stress levels were so far up I started to have palpitations and quickly scheduled a meeting with Deborah Gray, my nursing advisor. After an hour of crying my heart out to this woman that barely knew me, she offered me an out. I was able to take a break from school, just as long as I took the second semester of my sophomore year over again. And voila, this is why I am a year behind. Honestly, I don’t regret it, I needed the break from school. I am absolutely over the moon thankful for all of my sisters that supported me through this time.
This experience was the hardest challenge I have ever had. During my break from school I realized that I didn’t actually love myself. I had lost who I really was, and unfortunately I didn’t know how to be me again. Luckily my Grandparents took me to Florida, and I was able to figure it out while lying on a beach. Don’t get me wrong --everyday was a struggle. I had to constantly look in the mirror and tell myself that I am worth it, and people do care about me. I also found other ways to channel my negative energy: learning to cook, exercising, and getting into art. With these tactics, I was able to find myself and learn to love myself again. Also, I was very lucky to have a Little that literally texted me everyday to check up on me and offer words of advice. Even though I had to experience such a hard obstacle, I am grateful for it. I am grateful that I had to fall because sometimes God puts hardship in our lives so that we can learn from them and become even stronger people in the process. Today, I am stronger, happier, more empathetic, and even more passionate about what I am preparing myself to do for the rest of my life. Sharing my story is scary, but I also know that it’s worth sharing if it can help someone know that they are not alone, and that they are loved. Life is so precious--treat it that way. Treat people the way you want to be treated, love people, and most importantly love yourself.
Remember this..
Everyone goes through hard times, but in the end you will grow from it.
2015: YIR
What a year!
2015 as a whole was a year full of growth, both personally and professionally. Luckily it started off with a blast; celebrating new years surrounded by friends, sorority sisters, and family; I knew it would be a good year! Early in 2015 was somewhat lonely for me; I ended a long-term relationship, which left me gloomy starting the year off. Going out on a whim I applied for Leadershape and met unknowingly some of my best friends through UHP, whom kept me pretty distracted for the remaining part of my 2015 school year. Spring semester of 2015 happened to be one of the more challenging semesters of nursing school; studying was all I had time for with three of the hardest classes having taken in college. Even though my fellow cohort students and I were struggling with a heavy course load, this allowed us to become even closer together because we were forced to studying all together; hoping to boost our GPA’s ever slightly.
By the end of the spring semester 2015, I was offered my first “big girl” job. My Mom works at Mercy hospital Fairfield as a Registered Nurse, so naturally she encouraged me to apply for the nighttime Patient care assistant (PCA) job. This job facilitated my growth in not only my nursing skills I had learned in the previous semesters, but it also helped refine my confidence interacting with patients, their care, and building professional relationships with my fellow coworkers. As a PCA, I have been holding this position for a year now part-time during the school year. Due to my hard work and organization within this position, my manager offered me a raise and an opportunity to further my knowledge as Mentor Tech. This job works alongside my PCA job, however, it holds more responsibility as an employee due to the advanced training in reading heart rhythms, and recognizing irregular rhythms. There have been multiple ways this year has pushed me to grow more professionally. One example of professional growth was being offered an opportunity to study aboard in Panama for a week alongside peers from the College of Nursing. I have never been outside of the USA, so this opportunity not only challenged me but also it provided new perspectives for my future in Nursing. After being abroad for a week full of new experiences, I realized it lead to new interest in my professional future as a traveling Nurse.
As I said earlier, this year has been full of challenges and growth, not only as a student but also in my own personal life. Throughout 2015, I’ve lost connection with close friends, gained new relationships, and learned a lot about myself. For a big part of my life I’ve struggled with balancing my self-worth. Most of the time I would care too much what others thought of me; my appearance, my actions, personality, etc. I never realized how much others opinions weighed on me, it got to the point where I lost myself. I lost the love I had for myself. Luckily, a wise friend taught me that I didn’t need validation. I didn’t need someone to make me feel right or important with my decisions. Needing validation is something that we all struggle with from time to time, but once I realized others opinions didn’t matter; I felt free. With my newfound freedom I have found love for myself, and for others. It was almost as if, something was missing. I started loving myself for what seemed like the very first time. Along with love, my body craved motivation; it needed to stay busy. Always having an agenda might seem stressful to most of my peers, however I felt in control. I felt like I could conquer the world; do anything I wanted! This past year has been full of love, growth, and new opportunities. I can’t wait for what next year has in store.
What a year!
2015 as a whole was a year full of growth, both personally and professionally. Luckily it started off with a blast; celebrating new years surrounded by friends, sorority sisters, and family; I knew it would be a good year! Early in 2015 was somewhat lonely for me; I ended a long-term relationship, which left me gloomy starting the year off. Going out on a whim I applied for Leadershape and met unknowingly some of my best friends through UHP, whom kept me pretty distracted for the remaining part of my 2015 school year. Spring semester of 2015 happened to be one of the more challenging semesters of nursing school; studying was all I had time for with three of the hardest classes having taken in college. Even though my fellow cohort students and I were struggling with a heavy course load, this allowed us to become even closer together because we were forced to studying all together; hoping to boost our GPA’s ever slightly.
By the end of the spring semester 2015, I was offered my first “big girl” job. My Mom works at Mercy hospital Fairfield as a Registered Nurse, so naturally she encouraged me to apply for the nighttime Patient care assistant (PCA) job. This job facilitated my growth in not only my nursing skills I had learned in the previous semesters, but it also helped refine my confidence interacting with patients, their care, and building professional relationships with my fellow coworkers. As a PCA, I have been holding this position for a year now part-time during the school year. Due to my hard work and organization within this position, my manager offered me a raise and an opportunity to further my knowledge as Mentor Tech. This job works alongside my PCA job, however, it holds more responsibility as an employee due to the advanced training in reading heart rhythms, and recognizing irregular rhythms. There have been multiple ways this year has pushed me to grow more professionally. One example of professional growth was being offered an opportunity to study aboard in Panama for a week alongside peers from the College of Nursing. I have never been outside of the USA, so this opportunity not only challenged me but also it provided new perspectives for my future in Nursing. After being abroad for a week full of new experiences, I realized it lead to new interest in my professional future as a traveling Nurse.
As I said earlier, this year has been full of challenges and growth, not only as a student but also in my own personal life. Throughout 2015, I’ve lost connection with close friends, gained new relationships, and learned a lot about myself. For a big part of my life I’ve struggled with balancing my self-worth. Most of the time I would care too much what others thought of me; my appearance, my actions, personality, etc. I never realized how much others opinions weighed on me, it got to the point where I lost myself. I lost the love I had for myself. Luckily, a wise friend taught me that I didn’t need validation. I didn’t need someone to make me feel right or important with my decisions. Needing validation is something that we all struggle with from time to time, but once I realized others opinions didn’t matter; I felt free. With my newfound freedom I have found love for myself, and for others. It was almost as if, something was missing. I started loving myself for what seemed like the very first time. Along with love, my body craved motivation; it needed to stay busy. Always having an agenda might seem stressful to most of my peers, however I felt in control. I felt like I could conquer the world; do anything I wanted! This past year has been full of love, growth, and new opportunities. I can’t wait for what next year has in store.